Well...where can I start?? My heart aches some time about many things in the world. Often can’t sleep thinking something not impact my life in any way. Why it happens is it because I am a psycho or just worried something not matter to me. I see, hear and imagine then think about many things in the world and try to make sense out of them. Some time I cry silently for the ones I think sad. Now a days it keeps bothering me a lot. I am afraid that someone can think I am just trying to write a story here. NO. It is not a story or tale of some thought. It is a river flows inside and makes me wonder why it is happening this way rather then something different. I chose to express my inner felling this way to be clam and clear myself. I am not even sure some will read this or not I just would like to throw my heart out to the world using this web so that I can be calm and quite myself and sleep better. May be because I see and hear lots of news about everything in the world and try to make a sense out of it. Why things are like this. I feel like I have to tell someone to stop this non sense and do the things right. But who will hear me. Who can stop these things we have no control on. I don’t know. I just fight myself till I am tired and then sleep or go on it. It bothers me some time. I am not sure what to do. I even thought of going to a psychologist thinking that I am a psycho. Well I think myself that I am not quite there yet and laugh and go on.
I read somewhere everyone thinks and looks at things based on their previous life experiences. That’s why I have to tell you how I lived my life till now so that you can make sense of what I have lived through and what I am writing. This is definitely not my biography just couple lines about it. But I don’t want to you to be bored by that now so I will keep it for later.
I see outside my window over a greenish lawn and thick trees lines. Crispy sun shine and mild wind makes a beautiful day out. But somehow I can tell you I am not feeling the same crispness about the weather. Is this something I am worried about myself or future or family etc… No. then what?? I keep questioning myself. Answer is not easy. I think myself may be I need a break from work or I need to eat right, do exercise etc… but I did all that still I am sick not in my body or mind or soul…somewhere………but in myself.
I keep thinking about my language, sentence or spelling I am writing. Then I think it does not matter I need to express myself. So I keep writing however it is right or wrong. Even any one reads it or not…I want to go on.
I wake up this morning thinking about the world, people and their work, life, belief etc…some time I think who are we on this earth. I don’t think we are humans any more. We are changed so much; we are crossed into a point that we are no more humans. Look at the humans how they came here on the earth and lived a simple life. Compare that to today’s any person on the earth…. no match. I am not trying to say that everyone is changed so much. No. Most of us are crossed that humanness and entered a non human life. I heard somewhere in some place people are living in the forest etc…I don’t know how they are. They may be changed too. This change is good or bad it is happening to all us. Where do we go from here? What do we need? It is not about how we came here. Lots of religions, people told about how we came here and where we go from here etc. even though I really don’t know how we came here or don’t want to know But we are not going where ever or how ever these religions or people said. We are still living a life no one said before. We are doing things which no one said or thought of. Why things are going like this. Why people are living like this. Where our life goes from here. I think these things every day.
According to me things are happening differently. World is approaching changes which was never before. We like it or not.
From democracy to dictators, Rwanda to Kosovo, south to North Korea, India to Pakistan, Iraq, Iran, Palestine, non white US president…. many things are happening. Good or bad.
Begging poor to filthy don’t care riches, melting financial markets kicking CEO to an hourly sweat shop worker. Changes to coming to world. Because we changed so much. I was showing a picture of mother Theresa to someone who said she is a christen rather than a great person of love. We are changed so much we cannot unchange our self.
I think our elders built religions to bring peace to the soul. To went out the bad things out of us. Like we go to bath room to release our bad out comes. But we are now jailed into the bath room and branded what kind we have and compare each other’s and start fighting about it.
Continues…..
